Title: Being Boring
Ship: H/Hr
Name/Pen Name: xCarpeDiem
Word Count: 1,562
Theme #/Theme: The ever reliable Daily Prophet
Challenge count: 1/7 Finished

Content: PG
Spoilers: Books 1-6
Warnings: Zip!
Summary: Harry and Hermione are boring, so the press spices up their "life".

Being Boring

Being Boring

It was absolutely hilarious the way the press tried to keep a personal tracking on them. They found it both extremely funny and extremely pathetic that such prestigious newspapers as well as the less serious, tabloid-ish magazines seemed to band together to write every aspect of their life.

Harry Potter Marries Hermione Granger in Egyptian Pyramid! Photos INCLUDED!

“Have either of us even been to Egypt?” Harry asked, staring down at the Witch Weekly article in befuddlement.

Hermione scoffed. “I think I’d remember if we wed in an Egyptian Pyramid.”

“I know! Why don’t we actually travel to Egypt and marry, and the very next day they’ll print an article that says we’re in Jamaica on honeymoon!”

“After Egypt, we could go to Australia for our honeymoon, and I’m sure they’ll report that we’re now enjoying the sights and sounds, and food, of Italy.”

Harry tossed the magazine aside and considered it. He had always wondered what the outback was like.

“It’s a shame they’re so daft,” Hermione said amusedly. “Do you remember when we first began dating? For weeks they were claiming you were still going out with Ginny.”

“Yeah, and those merged images they came up with were classic! They would take a photo of Ginny going outside in her bathrobe to meet the owl delivering her morning paper, and they’d edit it in to a photo of me in my pajamas. Some of the quality of those merged images were great, though,” Harry admitted, looking through the many copies of magazines and newspapers before him.

“Some of them, however, were not so great and believable,” Hermione said. “Look at this one!”

She held up a weekly tabloid magazine by the name of Magic Monday. On the front cover was a fake photograph of Hermione holding hands with Viktor Krum, quite awkwardly put together at that. The headline read, Miss Granger Cheats on Harry Potter with Bulgarian Stud-Muffin!

“Hermione!” Harry gasped in shock. “You’re not cheating on me, are you?”

“Oh, yes, because I’ve had enough of you; I apparently want a Bulgarian Stud-Muffin by the name of Viktor Krum. Really, they’ve been saying I’ve been sleeping with him for years now,” Hermione said with exasperation, “can’t I have a new fake love interest?”

“Maybe if you ask them nicely.”

She shrugged and set down the magazine.

“Do you think anyone will ever really figure it out?” she asked curiously, smirking.

Harry smirked in response, moving closer to her and sliding an arm in around her waist.

“Honestly, love, I don’t think anyone will be figuring it out anytime soon,” he said happily. “And for that I am glad.”

“But, really, it’s obvious!” Hermione said. “They’re trying too hard, really. I don’t see the appeal of us, anyway.”

“Yeah, if you think about it, when our life isn’t full of Voldemort or some Death Eater’s, we’re pretty boring people…”

“Yes, I know! I mean, what do we even do?”

“We spend our evenings in the family room. You read a book and I complain about the programs on the muggle television,” Harry remarked. “Very exciting lives we lead.”

”Don’t forget, if I finish my book early, we complain about the programs on the muggle television together.”

“Yeah, that’s a twist, though,” he said, laughing.

She walked over to the sofa and sat down, Harry joining her a second after.

“Do you think they’ll ever just figure out we’re right here?” she asked, as he put an arm around her and drew her in closer.

“Probably not for a really, really long time,” Harry replied. “Which I could live with.”

To think, no one thought of the possibility that the two were residing in Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, the unplottable home Harry Potter owned.

“All right, let’s make a vow here and now to stay this boring forever,” Hermione said with a wonderful laugh.

Harry nodded in agreement. “Yes, yes, let’s. I don’t think I could enjoy being boring with anyone else but you.”

She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked up at him, surprised. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. I mean, I’ve been boring with plenty of women, Hermione,” Harry explained bluntly. “Trust me, I’ve got experience being boring, because I’ve been boring for years now, not to mention the eleven years experience of being boring before our Hogwarts days. I’ve been boring with Parvati, with Ginny, with Madam Rosmerta.”

Hermione smiled at him and narrowed her eyes. “You just love to throw that Madam Rosmerta in my and Ron’s face, don’t you? Okay, you succeeded in making a woman over ten years older than your age turn to jelly mush over you. Get over it, please!”

“Never! But that’s not the point,” he said, continuing on, “point is, I have in fact been boring with many a women, Hermione. Ginny is dreadful at being boring; she’s so boring she actually is boring.”

Hermione frowned. “Fiancé or not, Harry, that makes absolutely no sense to me!”

“It would if you saw me being bored with Ginny.”

She couldn’t stifle her laughter. “You’re a ridiculous man, Harry Potter.”

He shrugged with indifference. “What does it say about you that you’re with me?”

Hermione rolled her eyes, realizing he had a point. She decided a change of subject was in order. “Where are we actually going to marry, hmm?”

“Well, no matter what we do they’re going to report something, so I say we do something completely mad and marry in some imaginary land Luna is always mentioning --- what is it called? Qeenadorfan?” he asked.

“It’s a shame ninety-five percent of what Luna says is complete mystical fabrication,” Hermione said, rolling her eyes lightheartedly.

“We’ll decide on something,” Harry said. “We have a lot of time on our hands.”

Hermione nodded, knowing this was true. “It’s kind of sad, actually. We should do something.”

“Ah, but we’ll have plenty of time after we get married to do stuff; marriage is all about doing stuff, so why can’t engagement be about not doing stuff?”

“Harry, I think I’m becoming just as ridiculous as you; you’re starting to actually make sense…”

“I have that effect on people, love,” Harry said, leaning over and kissing her softly.

Just then Hedwig flew through the window to their right, coming to a stop on the armrest of the sofa. Harry and Hermione separated from their kiss and Harry reached for the newspaper in Hedwig’s beak.

“Oooh, the Prophet! Let’s see what they have to say about us,” Harry said, unfurling the newspaper with only mild interest. Hermione leaned closer to get a better view.

Hedwig clicked his beak indignantly and flew off. He had expected some treats or at the very least a nice stroking from his masters.

“Oh, look at that!” Hermione exclaimed as she burst into laughter. “They’re saying we’re escaping the public eye by changing our names to James and Jane Puckle!”

“Apparently we’re in disguise too. Hermione you’ve cut your hair and dyed it red.”

“I would make for a hideous Weasley.”

“And apparently I’ve gone for the naked head look.”

“You would make for a hideous bald man. Voldemort was bald.”

“Yeah, that’s comforting,” Harry said. He continued to read the article, laughing by the time he reached the end of it. “We’ve bought a cottage in Germany and are residing there until the press coverage dies down. You’re four months pregnant, and we were apparently spotted at the Flourish and Blots in Cologne, Germany purchasing some wizarding baby books. We’re trying to decide on a name, according to them.”

“At least they’re creative. That’s a consolation prize, isn’t it?”

“Definitely.”

“You’d think a newspaper as great as the Daily Prophet would check their sources,” Hermione said thoughtfully.

“Well, then again they did employ Rita Skeeter and hail her as their best reporter for a bit of a long time,” Harry said.

“I have a good idea,” Hermione told him, her eyes lighting up completely. “We should actually conduct a real interview with the press.”

“What?” Harry looked at her in utter confusion.

“No, hang on, hear me out. By ‘press’ I mean the Quibbler. Think about it! How funny would it be for the joke magazine of the wizarding press to be the only one with the correct story?” Hermione asked, grinning sneakily.

Harry grinned as well as he realized the idea was brilliant. “It would make the Prophet look incredibly stupid.”

“Something I can live with.”

“And it would definitely help the sales of the Quibbler, helping Luna, our friend, and her father.”

“Yes, exactly,” Hermione said.

“It’s brilliant! We should write Luna and tell her,” Harry said.

“Yes, and we will tell them in the interview of our boring life together and how every other magazine and newspaper out there is complete hippogriff manure.”

“But you know,” Harry said, kissing Hermione lovingly on the forehead and tightening his arm around her, “I’m glad we’re boring, Hermione.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, if we were any other way we wouldn’t be happy, would we?”

“You must be extremely well-rested. You never make this much sense.”

“It’s true. Being boring comes with being content.”

Hermione smiled warmly up at her future-husband.

“Well, then, I’m content to be boring with you.”

“Likewise, love. Likewise.”

And for the rest of their lives, Harry and Hermione were contently boring together.

# FIN #

Hah, this was incredibly cute.

It's funny.. I usually dont read a lot of HHr fanfiction because I do think it's tad bit boring... I ship DG for a reason hahaha I need excitement... but reading a fic where they come right out an admit that behind the brains and epic fighting of Voldemort, Harry and Hermione are just a couple of boring people... it all seemed really cute to me.


I liked Hermione's line about making a hideous Weasley. Very funny.


Kristina

Cute, but kind of... well... boring. Just had no real point, I guess. And Harry/Rosmerta? She's older than his parents! Means she's at least 25 years older than Harry, lol.

It was well written, though.

*on edit*

I thought this was in the "make it work" category, instead of the "Daily Prophet" category. Ah, makes more sense now!

I really enjoyed this. The best part was probably the exchange between them. It really gave warmth reading it. Like I was peaking into a conversation between two very loveable people. Lovely

That was funny! Awesome job, it's different and true. I loved the beginning when Harry and Hermione are talking about Egypt and stuff. It was a funny story.

Mildly cute, I must say. The dialogue was too unnatural and forced; and could have used some more descriptive phrases in its midst. The characters were being too mean talking about their EX-es. Not very realistic. The "mistakes" were pretty funny, though.

I liked the exchange between Harry and Hermione (like NAPPA)- I love reading those moments . It was very well-written and I really enjoyed the Daily Prophet mistakes and the tabloids printing out fake stories... kinda reminds me of RL.

Mady

Nobody seems to be crazy about this story, and I--well I don't get it...I thought it was one of the most adorable stories I'd ever read. It made so much sense to me--I mean it could have been shorter--but I thought all of it was touching and relateable.

An unprecedented (for me at least) title for Viktor. Quite ingenious too! I like it.



Definitely the best line of the whole story. Like a summary of HHr's relationship after Voldemort. I guess it's also a pun intented for Herons since they are saying that Harry and Hermione are boring together.

On the whole, this one seems to me "an easy boring banter" we all seem to have at moments in our lives.

S.

I think it's very cute. I love how the Daily Prophet always gets everything wrong! And the hideous Weasley line was great. All in all, quite good job. 4/5

It was cute. I liked it. Nice job. I thought it should've had a little more than all the dialogue. Though I do know that it's extremely hard (for me at least, when I do write..hehe), to write all dialogue.

i love the remark of Harry/Hermione relationship as 'boring'... it exactly as told by our rivals outside there... but how could i enjoy reading this 'boring' relationship?

maybe b'coz i'm a Harmonian and proud of that...